Not good.

Tanya’s Score: Okay* (but barely)

Rated: 14A

Starring: a shuffling scarecrow, Bradley Cooper (who clearly owes Mr. Eastwood some sort of favour)

Plot: Due to desperate financial times, an elderly American man (Clint Eastwood) agrees to transport drugs to and fro for the Mexican cartel.

Tanya’s Verdict: Apparently loosely based on a true story, this entire movie is stilted. The dialogue rings false and even silly at times. Clint Eastwood’s gait is shuffling, his voice has gone full-on rasp making him barely understandable. The plot seemingly jumps from one stiff interaction to another. In fact there are so many awkward moments within this film that at times the audience isn’t even sure what is expected of them – are we supposed to laugh or feel sympathy? The most unbelievably hilarious part of this movie is that Eastwood’s character is apparently bedding nubile young women at every twist of the plot. I think The Mule is a definite sign that Mr. Eastwood should retire from acting . . . or at the very least – from starring in a movie.

*Four score descriptions: Sh**; Okay; Good; Great