Are My Kids Happy? I Couldn’t Care Less

Are my kids happy? Honestly – I haven’t a clue — and frankly – who the hell cares? Happiness as a way of life is overrated. And as a relatable concept, happiness is a lot more complex and confusing than we are led to believe.

Yet here I am – beating my head against the wall – worried that my little angels might not be perfectly content with life. I had to say “no” to my 14-year-old about attending a sleep over on the weekend because it was just too busy a time for us (and I also wasn’t in the mood to deal with her post slumber party crankiness). And she was spitting mad – at me, at her siblings, at life in general. 

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And then it hit me – is this my parenting philosophy now? To do whatever it takes for my kids to be happy? And not truly happy and fulfilled, mind you. Not content and at peace with the world. Just momentarily distracted into believing their immediate delight followed by their fleeting good humour is true and unwavering happiness.

News flash – worrying about our children’s happiness is helicopter parenting to the nth degree. It’s certainly not helping the cause. There are just a bunch of exhausted and backwards-bending parents with entitled yet miserable kids to show for it.

Here’s what I do know about happiness (and it’s not enough to fill a book. In fact, it’s barely enough to fill a blog post) :

• It can’t be bought (we’ve all heard this – even if we don’t all believe this)
• It can’t be determined by others
• It’s an internal feeling that we can control – or in the very least – work at controlling

Happiness is a choice; it’s a way of life; it’s a habit. We can’t find it or attain it – not in any traditional sense anyway. It’s in the way we choose to live our lives and how we view said lives that matter here.

Happiness really only exists both retrospectively and introspectively. If you are honestly living in the moment and attempting to be present in your day-to-day life, then there’s no thoughts about happiness until later. It’s something you can think about as you lay in bed at night looking back on the day you had. Or the month you had. Or the year you had.

I have to stop asking myself: Are my kids happy? And instead ask the question: Am I happy?

Am I?

Huh.

Well – I’m not walking around with a smile plastered on my face if that’s what you’re wondering. Because then I’d be a lunatic. Also, I happen to suffer from a chronic condition known as Resting Bitch Face.

That said – if I’m going to delve into this dark and cobwebby corner – then I have to admit that I think I am. I don’t have any huge regrets; there’s nothing major keeping me awake at night; my kids are healthy and relatively well-behaved; I typically look forward to my days and my weekends.

Here’s an interesting idea: if it’s taken me this much time and self-reflection to determine my own happiness level, how can I expect a similar effort from a passel of inexperienced, self-centred, dependent children?

As parents – it is not in our power to make our kids happy. It is in our control, however to:

• Nurture their outlook and habits – setting the stage for their future happiness.
• Model positivity and optimism – basically work our hardest to be glass-half-full types of people.
• Do our darnedest to instil our kids with confidence, independence and self-discipline in the hopes that from this will grow motivation and ambition.
• Point out the joy in everyday, ordinary moments.
• Encourage our kids to foster connections outside of us – with other family members, with friends, with a greater community.
• Spend quality time with our kids and make a concerted effort to have fun together. And by fun, I’m referring to an impromptu Uno tournament at the kitchen table as opposed to a day at Disney World.
• Make ourselves available for conversation, discussions and the odd lecture now and again.
• Ensure our kids develop positive emotional habits – in the ways they view themselves and others.
• Stop trying to decipher the elusive code to our children’s future happiness. Because we’re setting ourselves up for failure. And them as well.

As for my kids – I love them, I respect them, I value them, I listen to them. I feed, clothe and house them. Are they happy though?

I couldn’t care less.

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