Negative 15 outside? No problem. Nothing a warm hat, fur-laden mittens, woolen scarf, frost-proof snowpants, puffy ski jacket and lined boots won’t cure. And if my 14-year-old refuses these accoutrements – then that’s her business. Just as it was my business 30 years ago to eschew warm winter boots for thin, fake-leather, shoes and forgo a lame-ass hat – it would ruin my beautifully feathered hair and gravity-defying bangs sprayed within an inch of their six inch lives.
Who am I to blame today’s teens for believing warm winter wear equals a sub-standard social status? I felt the very same way all those years back. In fact, it wasn’t until Tootie very nearly lost her hearing due to consistently walking outside with wet hair that my thinking changed and I decided to smarten up. Then again – our kids don’t have the blessing that is The Facts of Life reruns to show them the error of their ways.
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And so I go through the motions each wintry morning: “Don’t forget your hat” “Wait! Don’t you want your mittens?” “Not those boots – wear the waterproof ones.” But my heart’s not really in it – and they can tell.
I want to provide my children with the opportunity to experience all that there is worth experiencing in this world. And if that includes a bit of self-induced frostbite – then so be it.
As for me, I’m now a grown-up who barely registers on anyone’s radar anymore – so I’m perfectly content to cozy up in my snow pants, leg warmers, floral fleece mittens, ski coat and fur-flapped hat. I’m actually quite warm on my daily jaunt to and from the kids’ school. And the very best part of my winter get-up is the secret fact that I’m usually wearing my pyjamas underneath all the layers. Although this has bitten me in the behind more than once – where I’ve come home and hurriedly dropped the dog off, grabbed my car keys in order to meet someone for coffee or for a matinee movie rendezvous – only to discover after unzipping my coat that I’m bra-less and still wearing my snowflake pjs.
Honestly – it doesn’t bother me that my two older children are shivering their perfect bums off to and from school. What do I care? I just hate the attempted emotional manipulation emanating from Daughter #1 due to her lack of winter wear. Like clockwork, it begins every week day at 3:00 pm.
That is the precise time that my landline begins to ring (I don’t have a cellphone – remember?) I ignore it – because I know it’s her – and I know what she wants:
A drive home from school.
Typically, she’ll phone back two or three more times – never leaving a voice mail mind you – and typically I’ll ignore the barrage of calls. I figure if it’s something serious – for example if she’s in the emergency room suffering from a bout of acute appendicitis – then she’ll most likely leave a voice mail. The ensuing radio silence is proof that I have once again dodged her lazy-ass bullet.
The phone rings again – a fifth time. I envision Daughter #1 lying in a collapsed heap while the police attempt to reach me, her mother, to tell me which hospital they’re transporting her to.
This time I answer the call.
Nope – it’s her. She wants a ride home. Because she isn’t wearing mittens or a hat. And her boots are soaked. Despite the fact that her wheedling is falling on Tootie-deaf ears – she persists. She definitely has persistence – I’ll give her that.
That is the main difference between Daughters #1 and #2. While they both tend to thumb their frost-bitten noses at the fuzzy hats, the waterproof mitts and the no-nonsense, sensible winter boots I buy them (which still cost me an arm and a leg, by the way), Daughter #2 grins and bears it. If she later regrets it – she doesn’t say. Daughter #1 apparently is fine with her seasonal life choices in the morning but by mid-afternoon when remorse has set in, she attempts to use it in order to finagle a nice warm car ride home.
It never works.
Because I don’t drive. Well, I do drive – but only when it’s necessary or when I want to. And driving the one km in order to collect Daughter #1 and cart her back home is neither necessary nor desirable in my opinion.
Nevertheless, ten minutes after our brief phone call where she attempted to guilt me into driving her because she’s cold – and her realization that not only wasn’t I buying it – but I was finding her justification quite hilarious – she’s walking through our front door.
“I hopped on a passing bus,” she explains. Apparently, upon boarding she turned up the volume on her emotional manipulation toward the handful of recognizable kids – asking someone to please pay her fare. Considering she was penniless, some poor sap acquiesced. Did I mention that Daughter #1 is also quite resourceful . . . and charismatic to boot?
There is no war on winter wear going on over here – at least at my house there isn’t. Although there is apparently a major game of chicken going on in terms of driving a specific child to and from school.
I LOVE this! It made me laugh so much, especially “bra-less and in snowflake pjs” – I can 100% relate to that situation, and I laughed out loud at “Although there is apparently a major game of chicken going on” – I love the way you write. This article describes perfectly what it’s like to have kids. My eldest won’t wear a coat for love nor money …except in summer when suddenly it becomes essential.
I loved this post! I was laughing throughout the whole thing! Thank you for sharing 🙂
This was, as always, a very enjoyable read. “Gravity defying bangs,” and “Tootie-deaf ears!” I laughed out loud several times, because I can relate, although to a much lesser degree. I have boys…who aren’t as complicated. Son #2 happily dons any winter wear I throw his way, even if it is mismatched, or the only hat we can find is one with a gigantic pom pom on top. He could care less…which I love about him. Son #1, on the other hand is in high school now, so coolness reigns, even if it means being cold. Many a time I’ve found him wearing a spring windbreaker when the temperature really calls for the big, so called puffy warm coat I got him. I do have to admit I have driven one or both, on occasion, mainly when I can’t get my $#@ together in the morning and get them out of bed and lunch made in a timely manner! For the most part, they remain “walkers,” like it or not!
Thanks for sharing Tanya! Gave me my laugh for the day!
Years ago, my girl was not wearing boots and she had to walk home from school because the buses weren’t running due to weather conditions.I had to place her painful feet in lukewarm water to relieve the frostbite.Sometimes you have to learn the hard way…..I think she learned her lesson!