I won’t go so far to say that I have this parenting thing figured out — but I do believe I have a handle on it for now. My three are coming along quite nicely if I do say so myself. Every time I peek into the oven, they seem to be browning up just fine. Every so often, I have to take a spatula to one of them and jostle them a bit so they don’t get burned. And then back in the oven they go.
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I always prefer to show rather than tell, to nudge rather than dictate. But better to be safe than sorry which is why I’ve compiled this condensed list of my personalized parenting guidelines.
Here are 13 rules for you – my kiddos – to live by. Just in case I die tomorrow.
#1 Don’t make a big deal out of your birthday. It’s important to me – and to you. But no one else gives a sh*t.
#2 Walk everywhere you can whenever you can. It will instil you with a love and appreciation for nature. You will meet people because of it. It will prove to you once and for all that we don’t need technology as much as we think we do.
#3 Choose your love and then love your choice. Even when your choice barfs all over the bathroom wall, even when your choice bores you to tears with hockey talk, even when your choice brings home a godawful ceramic giraffe and insists it resides in the family room. Choose love.
#4 There is nothing in this world that is too serious, horrific or taboo to be laughed about. Of course there’s a time, there’s a place and you need to respect your audience. But everything is funny. Everything.
#5 Trust your instinct. It’s not always easy to do so. Sometimes it’s embarrassing; sometimes it goes against what everyone else is doing. But if your inner voice is guiding you – about other people, about specific situations – then listen to it. This instinct has been steering creatures right and keeping them safe for thousands of years.
#6 Sometimes just be quiet and listen. As other people talk; as they explain things to you (even if you already know what they are saying); as they yell at you; as they chastise you (even if you don’t think you are wrong); as they teach you; as they guide you. Just keep your mouth shut. And listen to what they have to say.
#7 Sometimes say what you feel. Even if you sound dumb; even if you offend someone; even if you disagree. It’s how things get done and debates get won. Don’t be afraid to use your voice when you think it’s important; when you need to be heard; when it will right a wrong; when you want to stand up for someone or something or yourself. When you’re all done listening.
#8 Read a book – at least a few pages, every day. Reading is a gift – it’ll give you more adventures and experiences than you can imagine.
#9 Take the time to hand-write thank-you notes – for gifts received; for favours done; for acts of kindness.
#10 When someone is angry or upset with you – face the music. Don’t hide; don’t cower. Face it head on and talk to them – no matter how uncomfortable or awkward it may be. It will clear the air. And if it doesn’t, then the relationship doesn’t matter anyway so move on.
#11 Respect your grandparents. They won’t be around for long. Also they hold lots of interesting information – about a time now past – before cellphones and computers. Ask them about their childhood and about their school experiences. They are your connection to the past.
#12 Compliment people when they deserve it – even if it takes every ounce of your inner strength to do so.
#13 Think about me when you see a movie that you feel passionately about; that you truly love; that you sincerely loathe; that stays in your head; that you dream about at night; that you can’t stop thinking about when you are awake; that you really need to talk about. I gave this to you. And feel bad for me – because I’m missing it.
Great post. I wrote something similar myself recently .. loving your blog
Lots of great advice there. I did something similar a year or so ago and there are some common themes, so I’d say that we’re both doing this parenting thing right! 🙂
Unfortunately, I was having to think of things like this when my husband was so ill a couple of months ago. I’m so thankful that he is doing better. I’m also thankful for your post. It reminds me of things I want our daughter to know if I’m not around someday. 🙂
Great post. We thought about a lot we would pass down when we did our estate planning in the last couple years, but not things like this. Hopefully they won’t have to think about it for a long time!
Great post as always Tanya. I have shut off Facebook for a few months so can’t share but this is certainly one I would have shared!
I love this! This list is so packed full of your personality and some really lovely advice too. I laughed out loud especially at 1 and 3, these especially resonate with me – I have a friend who still thinks she is a princess on her birthday now! I’m definitely going to run through your list with my kids. Lovely.
Beautifully written, Tanya.
As always, this was a great read Tanya. You are truly wise, and I agree, your three are coming along very nicely! Love that…the spatula jostling them around is a great analogy, lol! I want to let you know that I think you are really a great mom and I aspire to be as good a mom as you 🙂 Thanks for sharing.
Great advice! I just love this. I should work on one of my own. I truly enjoy your blog and am glad I subscribed. I think your point about listening is so important. We do too much assuming and not enough listening most of the time.
valid and touching points….especially the one about grandparents.
Today I found that the mother of a gorgeous lady I know (a mom from school) has passed away. She was in her 80’s, had 7 kids and in the words of my friend, she was a tough old Irish bird. I gave my parents an extra long squeeze today and now I read your article which has me sobbing even more into my tissue. I can’t cope with sad stuff anymore today but yes….read….love….trust….listen….oh no….I’m crying again but lovely blog xx
Tough not to love a ceramic giraffe. Sounds awesome.