It’s Never Too Late (to be on time)

This post started out as a frenzied rant against the punctuality slobs in our midst. You know the ones – the cretins who routinely drop their kids off late for school or are 15 minutes late for their doctor’s appointment which was scheduled right before mine.

These untimely slip-ups have the potential of causing a devastating butterfly effect – to all the poor saps who have taken efforts to remain prompt. But even worse is the detrimental butterfly effect sure to dog the culprit’s children. Children who are routinely late for everything may very well grow up to continue this vicious cycle. Or, on the contrary, they may grow up ashamed of tardiness and as a result err on the side of earliness.

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I’ll admit it – I am a selective latecomer. I’m typically a fashionable five minutes late for most casual get-togethers. But at the risk of being braggadocious, I’m rarely late when it counts: when it’s an appointment, a job interview, for school, for work, when someone is actually counting on me. (Although I did once sleep though my alarm clock and miss a university final.)

I’ll allay some of the blame for consistent tardiness on the advent of cellphones. I just love to blame cellphones for the majority of societal annoyances. With the ability to text and basically reach anyone at any given moment, many people have drifted into a mediocre and blase attitude toward timeliness. Rather than set a distinct meet time, they opt instead for an optional meet time – then simply do as they please while continually texting updates on their ETA.

God forbid anyone arrive someplace early and sit tight for a few minutes. Better to cram a sh** ton of errands into 20 minutes of free time and then show up late. All is apparently readily forgiven so long as Latey McLaterson has been texting every five minutes apprising everyone that they are “on their way”.

A consistent and patterned tardiness generally offers some sort of pay off to the Johnny-come-lately. For example:

• Maybe they enjoy the attention that inevitably tags along with blowing on in
• Perhaps they relish the idea of letting everyone know just how busy and important they are
• Or maybe they’re just an a**hole

If you are reading this and becoming increasingly defensive – I assure you – this article is not directed at you.

Unless of course, it absolutely is.

But seriously – take a chill pill – because like I said up top – this post STARTED OUT as a frenzied rant. I have since aspired to take a more compassionate and charitable view of tardiness.

For example, belated buffoons may actually be closet slow-pokes due to one of these entirely forgiveable personality defects:

• They easily become lost in a task at hand – thus lose track of time
• Self-discipline isn’t their strong suit – and they lack the will or drive to stop or finish what they have going on in order to get to where they need to be
• They underestimate the preparation and travel time required

I’m even prepared to go deeper and darker. Being consistently late can sometimes have underlying pathology to it. In this case, tardiness may be symptomatic of much more disturbing issues lurking beneath the surface.

One theory in this vein postulates that consistent latecomers harbour personal shame and/or guilt over something else. By being routinely late for meetings, appointments and get-togethers, they are able to apologize and request forgiveness which temporarily alleviates whatever is truly plaguing them.

Chronic lateness can also be symptomatic of mental illness or disorder including anxiety, depression, OCD and perfectionism.

No matter the cause or reason, there is always the possibility that these chronic latecomers are desperately ashamed of their inconsiderate behaviour and truly want to correct it. They just have no idea where to begin.

Identifying the reason behind anti-punctiliousness is the first step toward rectifying it. And for those of you fed up with your always late family member, friend, coworker, student, patient or customer – one of the best things you can do to help them is draw a line in the sand and hold them accountable for their tardiness. Start eating without them, put together your work report without their input, dock some marks off their final grade, pass their allotted appointment to the next person in line.

Habitual lateness is a serious issue that often affects people who are perfectly lovely in all other respects. They may be organized, have good friends, a rewarding job – but for whatever reason, cannot get their act together when it comes to keeping time.

So long as you own this behavioural defect and take steps to correct it – I’m willing to absolve you of this particular sin. Unless of course, you routinely show up to the theatre five minutes into the movie – and happen to choose the seat directly in front of me. That, my friend, is unforgiveable!